03/06/2023
Martial Arts, when studied for a few years, is focused on learning the skills of defense, the discipline for achievement, and respect for oneself and others. When we make a longer commitment to the martial arts, those goals expand and deeper goals are added to the mix. At Unity Martial Arts, our goal is to create a lifelong practice for those who love this training. This means that we also need tools for building community, teachers, and leaders. It’s important for our philosophy to address concepts like:
The first goal when you’re ready to talk is to be clear. People approaching a dreaded conversation often try to build gently up to the topic and end up creating a muddy and unstable message from the start. In Conversation A it’s important to make your position well defined so that your opinions can be connected to the argument logically and directly. In Conversation B you’ll need clarity to be sure that you capture the attention that you want and get to the point without being derailed.
Once we break the seal, there’s a tendency to overcommit and keep talking and talking. Again, the danger is diluting your message while making the other person feel simultaneously overrun. Your goal is communication to achieve consensus. Making your delivery concise helps the other person to respond to only what you intend instead of allowing them to pluck a tiny, off-topic detail from your long-winded ramble.
Staying concrete sharpens your message even more because it keeps the conversation in the real world. In Conversation A you want to avoid the traps of political propaganda and buzzwords so that you can talk about how your life experience with the other person is involved. In Conversation B we need to keep the conversation about a concrete family change instead of letting it slip into one about built up, unrelated feelings. In both situations we want to keep the conversations focused on the topic instead of letting them spill over into unrelated battles.
The next step is to make sure that it is a two-way consultation, not a declaration. If a person has the power to say “no” then you’ll need to involve them from the start and get ready to listen! More importantly, you must be ready to hear information that makes you change your own position. In Conversation A, if there’s no chance that you would change your position, why do you think the other person could change for you? Listening and giving some ground is one of the best ways to give other people the confidence to really question their own positions. In Conversation B you may find that the change you want is part of an exchange deal, and that your willingness to adapt gets to what you want faster than you imagined!
Lastly, there’s no good communication if you can’t keep your composure. You can destroy your argument with your own body language, facial expressions, or by allowing frustration to bring emotions into the conversation. People’s respect for you and your opinions requires that you keep your engaged, flexible, caring mind present in the conversation. When that mind retreats, the conversation is over and the declarations begin.
Keep it simple and direct. Be ready to listen and adapt. If you want those around you to make changes because of your needs, set an example for them by changing because of theirs!