Community Concepts (August 2022)

Community Concepts (August 2022)

08/06/2022

Self Defense Spotlight

One of the focuses in both our free community self defense seminars and our ongoing self defense courses is the need to use our voice, gestures and posture to establish our mental and physical boundaries. We are expected to promote ourselves as outspoken, powerful people, egged on by our perceptions of others via social media, but the vast majority of people have a hard time being heard in public, surrounded by strangers, or under pressure. Many people can muster up the courage to speak when surrounded by friends, but the same words are frightening to say when it means they will have to reinforce their boundaries themselves. From a self defense perspective, this is exactly the situation that we need to be practicing.

Often when thinking about defense we focus on the action part. What moves would work? What preparation will get us through an unexpected attack? While the answers to these questions are important, the most effective way to escape an attack is to not be attacked in the first place. Since no one likes to get hurt, beat up, or jailed, attackers will try to create a situation where there is little chance for us to effectively resist. They create or capitalize on vulnerability and isolation, then try to get through boundaries to be as close as possible. If they can’t isolate us and can’t get close, then we’re not a good target and they’ll look for a better one.

So let’s focus on these two practices. First, we need to be aware of our own behaviors that isolate us. This could be always working later than our co-workers and walking to the only car in a dark parking lot. It could also be leaving our friends at a concert to look for a drink and finding ourselves surrounded by only strangers. In neither situation are we automatically in danger, but we have put one of the pieces in place that an attacker may be looking for to take their chance. As I wrote about a few months ago, we call these “Risk Zones” and we practice being aware of them in our routines and when they suddenly appear. The goal is not to become afraid, but to realize that while we are more vulnerable, we need to be more alert and reinforce our boundaries.

The second piece that requires practice is using our voice and enforcing our boundaries. The first step is to practice using your diaphragm in your voice. Singers practice this to create a full-bodied tone. Here we need it to signal potency, and to be heard by people all around. Think about the difference between a little dog’s yip and a big dog’s bark. For many people, this practice is terrifying. The thought of everyone looking at them and wondering if they’re crazy will stop them from raising their voice and keep them unnoticed. This fear of being judged is a second form of isolation that can make us alone and vulnerable even in a crowd. We need our voice, our gestures, and our posture to all say, “I am willing and capable of enforcing my boundaries.”

One of the most difficult homework assignments for the self defense course is to practice establishing boundaries in our daily life every day for a week. Be heard saying, “No, stay right there.” Take up a space with your body and stand confidently, not allowing others to push you out. Use your gestures to tell people what is enough or too much. Unless we practice enforcing our boundaries, we will barely notice when an attacker steps over them.